My Voice - What if...

"If" can be a dangerous word and "what if" a dangerous question. Two weeks ago I found out that I needed surgery to remove polyps on my vocal cords and the doctor said, "We need to do this now because you are at risk of having permanent voice damage." That started the what if conversations in my head. "What if I have permanent damage to my voice...I talk a lot in my profession." "What if I have to do something else...I want to keep serving God here."

Finally, I spent some time praying and realized that God doesn't live in "what ifs", but deals in the certainty of His sovereignty. God is in control and loves me and wants me to live faithfully. God doesn't need me. He has grown Orchard Church to a place that needs me. God loves me and wants me to live faithfully. Hebrews 11:1-2 says "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.2 Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation." "What ifs" deal in things we cannot see and every time we try to process them apart from faith, we miss out on what God really wants for us. But when we turn our "what ifs" over to God and say, "You are in control, God, I want what you have for me", then we live in faith, in hope of the results we cannot yet see.

So this month, while I have been struggling to deal with the "what ifs" of finances and vocal health, I am learning to trust God deeper. Last week, before surgery, I talked with God and said, "God, I do not need my strong voice if you allow it to go away...I need to serve you. I do not need to be a pastor who speaks all the time to find value, I have value in you. My life is not about what I do or have that defines me...my life is to glorify God, no ifs, ands, or buts." God is teaching me faith this month in the noise of my mind and the quiet of my voice. I do not want to worry about what I cannot see, but instead trust and hope for the things that God can see.

PS - I think my voice is going to respond well to surgery, but I am thankful that God has given me this opportunity to dialogue with Him about faith, value and trust.